Narcissist Ex Won’t Leave Me Alone? 6 Things You Can Do Right Now

If your narcissist ex won’t leave you alone—even after the divorce—you know how exhausting it is to feel like there’s no real break, no matter how much space you try to create.

Here are six powerful strategies you can use right now to create distance from a narcissistic ex-husband who won’t back off. As you’ll see in this interview with my guest Lee, these are real, battle-tested tools—clear, practical, and effective.

If you’re married and quietly wondering if what you’re experiencing is emotional abuse, you don’t have to figure it out alone…take our free emotional abuse quiz for more clarity.

1. Believe Yourself

 You can believe yourself because he’s gonna lie about you and about everything.

For example, many women send clear messages about like pickup times, pick up locations, and he’ll message back and say, “You don’t communicate with me. You never tell me what’s going on.”

I had to really anchor myself in reality and to do that, I did number two.

2. Get Everything in Writing

 I limited all communication to a parenting app, and I used our Family Wizard. There’s others out there.

For me, it was a game changer because there was a calendar, an info bank, everything I needed to keep everything in one place. It didn’t magically change the outcome of my custody case, but it did keep me grounded in reality, which is what I really needed.

So, no more phone calls. No more casual conversations. Everything goes through written communication.

3. Use Strategic COMMUNICATION

 Knowing how to anticipate what he’s going to say and then, what specific words and phrases to use in response will protect you and get you out of his cycle of chaos. I’ll be covering some of the strategies I teach in The Living Free Workshop later in this interview, as Lee shares how she used them in her situation.

4. Learn Strategic Boundaries

 They are things that you can do to protect yourself with literally no words and no communication. Say he’s stepping on your foot over and over, and you keep telling him, “Hey, please stop stepping on my foot,” and you go to therapy about him stop stepping on your foot. And he keeps doing it.

It’s like wearing steel toed boots. You don’t have to explain it to him or announce it. You just put them on and protect your foot, no words required.

5. Focus on YouRSELF AND THE LIFE YOU WANT TO CREATE

 He is going to do everything he can to make that impossible, because he is always trying to get your attention by doing crazy things.

I remember standing in my kitchen and I was like, I want to help my kids with their homework. I wanna be present with my kids. And the notifications on my phone were like blowing up in that moment. I just turned it off and focused on the thing that I wanted to do that day. As I started to focus on what I wanted rather than his chaos, I really felt a shift.

You deserve more than just getting through the day. You deserve to rebuild a life that feels steady, peaceful, and yours again.

Start small. It doesn’t have to be dramatic to be powerful.

Transcript: When Your Narcissist Ex Won’t Leave You Alone

Anne: A member of the BTR community, we’re going to call her Lee, is on today’s episode. She’s going to be sharing her story. And then also how she implemented the strategies in the Living Free Workshop.

Welcome Lee.

Lee: Hi, thanks for having me.

Anne: Many women in this situation go through years and years of emotional abuse and psychological abuse and they don’t even realize it. So let’s talk about your experience. You married really young. In the beginning did you realize it was abuse?

Lee: No, I did not. Not until pretty much in my mid 30’s. I got married at 19 and we were really young. so I thought it was just a maturity thing and that eventually we’d get past that. There was also addiction and again I thought that was a just a thing. That we would be able to at some point get over once we grew up.

I Thought Divorce Would Remove Me From My Ex-Husband’s Chaos

Anne: What were some of