7 Things To Know When You’re Mad at Your Husband

So many women struggle with the question: “What to do when you are mad at your husband?”. If you’re angry because your husband has harmed you, your anger makes sense. Did you know that legitimate anger is not bad, and in fact, it’s helpful?

Anger is a natural response to harmful treatment, and it helps you know that something is wrong. It’s like a sacred internal warning system, alerting you to danger and calling you to action.

Here are 7 Reasons Why Anger is NOT Bad:

ANGER…

1. Alerts you to unfair treatment.
2. Motivates us to action.
3. Clarifies reality.
4. Restores your sense of self.
5. Builds resistance.
6. Interrupts manipulation.
7. Strengthens resilience.

If you’re feeling angry about your husband’s destructive behavior, we get it. Attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session TODAY to talk to other women who have been in your situation and can support you.

Let your legitimate anger help you identify the real issue

When women take a moment to evaluate why they feel angry, they can determine the source. Often they’re experiencing anger in reaction to their husband’s anger and emotional abuse. They feel scared, frustrated, tired, hurt, and overwhelmed.

At BTR.ORG we encourage victims of emotional abuse to think differently about their anger.

To discover if your husband’s anger is actually emotional abuse, take this free emotional abuse quiz.

Transcription: what to do when you are mad at your husband

Anne: It’s just me today.

Has anyone else ever noticed that society has double standards for men and women’s anger? Society often celebrates and justifies men’s anger, while it views women’s anger as irrational and emotional.

The Double Standard of Anger

Anne: Like if he says, “My wife cheated on me, and it makes me so angry.” Everyone would be like, yeah. I would be angry too. But if a husband cheats on his wife and she gets angry, somehow people blame her anger for his cheating. Anger for him is always justified as a response to apparent harm. For women, anger is considered a condition – like, “She’s angry” as if it’s a character trait rather than an emotion.

If your husband’s behavior is destructive, like he’s always angry, he’s lying to you, or he’s emotionally abusive, it’s not wrong to be angry.

Here are seven reasons why your anger is not bad.

1. Anger alerts you to Unfair Treatment

Anne: Number one, anger alerts you to unfair treatment. Anger is your mind and body’s way of signaling to you that something is wrong. So when you feel a surge of anger, take a minute to determine what the anger is about.

Instead of like pushing it away and thinking I shouldn’t be angry, accept the lesson it’s offering you.

It might help you determine your level of emotional safety, and then you can start to heal from emotional abuse.

2. Anger Motivates Action

Anne: Number two, anger motivates action.

I believe God gave us anger to help us take action and protect ourselves.This can be confusing, because abusive men are often angry due to their exploitative privilege. Meaning that they get angry when people resist their exploitative behaviors.

And that is NOT a good reason to be angry. That’s actually an exploitative reason, and their anger is emotional abuse, because they’re using their anger to manipulate you. They’re using their anger to scare you or threaten you, so they can continue to exploit you.

However, if protection and safety are your top priorities, your anger is NOT BAD. It can actually help you get to safety.

3. Anger Clarifies Reality

Anne: Number three, anger clarifies reality.

One of the hardest parts about emotional abuse is that it muddles your sense of reality. The gaslighting and manipulation can make you doubt your own thoughts and feelings. Anger cuts through that confusion. It’s an inner voice that’s saying this is not okay.

4. Anger Restores Your Sense of Self

Anne: Number four, anger restores your sense of self.

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