HOW TO RECOVER AFTER BEING CHEATED ON

If you’ve discovered your husband has been lying to you and cheating and you’re wondering how to recover after being cheated on, the best place to start is to get clear about what’s really happening. Realizing that your husband isn’t the man you thought he was is a devastating blow to your sense of reality and your emotional safety.

The betrayal trauma is real and naming it is an important step in your recovery. If you need help getting started, we’re here to support your healing with Betrayal Trauma Recovery’s Group Sessions.

This episode follows Shelly’s Story
Part 1: What If I Can Never Trust My Husband Again?
Part 2: How To Recover After Being Cheated On (THIS EPISODE)

7 THINGS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT HOW TO RECOVER AFTER BEING CHEATED ON

Are you trying to recover after your husband cheated on you? If he cheats on you, his lies, secrecy and deceit separate you from your own sense of reality. Here are seven things women need to know about this.

1. RECOVERY BEGINS WITH IDENTIFICATION.

Betrayal trauma is what you’re experiencing. Naming it helps connect the dots between what happened and how it affected you.

2. INTIMATE LIES ARE DOMESTIC ABUSE.

The harm doesn’t start once you find out about his cheating. It begins when he starts deceiving you. Recovery begins with accepting this truth.

3. YOUR BODY WILL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

Many women experiencing betrayal trauma have physical symptoms like insomnia, stomach issues, chronic pain. Your body always resists, even if your mind doesn’t quite understand what’s happening.

4. RECOVERY ISN’T ABOUT HIM EVEN THOUGH THE NEED TO RECOVER IS ENTIRELY ABOUT HIM.

Recovery takes knowing how to focus on our own emotional safety.  Take our free emotional abuse quiz to find out if you are a victim.

5. SELF-COMPASSION IS A TURNING POINT.

Recovery means treating yourself like you would treat a friend.

6. IGNORE BAD ADVICE.

People might tell you to just move on or don’t give away your power. That’s not helpful if you’re trying to heal from this type of trauma.

7. THE RIGHT SUPPORT MAKES RECOVERY FROM THIS TYPE OF TRAUMA POSSIBLE

It is important to find a support group where women understand what you’re going through because they’ve been through it too.

TRANSCRIPT: HOW TO RECOVER AFTER BEING CHEATED ON

Anne: I have Shelly, a member of our community, back on today’s episode. I interviewed her six months ago. I asked her to come back and check in. And let me know how she’s doing now. Welcome back, Shelly.

Shelly: So we’re at about a year and a half now since the initial D-Day and it’s still difficult, but we’re still together. We’re still working through things. I’ve had no more D-Days since the four or five months of D-Days I had. Nothing new has come to light. But it’s hard. That’s sort of where I am at the moment.

Anne: Will you talk about any epiphanies that you’ve had as you’ve been learning how to recover after being cheated on.

Shelly: There’s been a lot of deepening in my understanding of objectification, as a social issue, and the conditioning everywhere. Society subjects men and women to that conditioning. How human souls are made into objects and literally sold for the purpose of use in a sexual way. And it’s dark. Last time, I gave you a bit of a backstory. There’s a long line of betrayal trauma history in my life, being born into that. And for me, understanding my own power and choice has been freeing.

EIGHTEEN MONTHS INTO HEALING: WHAT RECOVERY AFTER BEING CHEATED ON LOOKS LIKE

Anne: Like how did you see it before and how are you seeing it now?

Shelly: So listening to our original podcast the emotions I felt. When I was going back, to when I was young, and I was a victim of abuse in my teens with a much older man. I felt quite powerless. Just listening to that, it felt powerless. Whereas when I fast forward to now. I can feel there’s a difference. Like, I have choice. I didn’t realize that I had choice then. Like I didn’t understand it.

I wouldn’t say naive, because I wouldn’t understand because I was so young and being coerced in such a horrific way, that I didn’t see anything beyond that. Whereas now my adult self understands all this stuff. And actually, through everything I’ve listened to on your podcast and understanding that <a href="https://www.btr.org/emotional-