HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES WITH AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE HUSBAND – ELSA’S STORY

Learning how to set boundaries in an emotionally abusive relationship may seem confusing and overwhelming.

SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE HUSBAND WILL ESTABLISH GREATER SAFETY

Have you ever tried to set boundaries expecting more safety and security, only to feel more exposed to harm than ever? That’s because traditional boundary-setting models simply don’t work in abuse scenarios.

Before I share what does work, here are a few resources:

1. To find out if your husband is emotionally abusive (and if you even need to set boundaries), Learn how to set boundaries, click here take my free emotional abuse test.
2. If you discover that he is emotionally abusive, and you want to go more in depth into how to set boundaries, my Living Free Workshop uses visuals to teach women how to set boundaries through easy to follow steps.

Okay, so here’s what you need to know to set boundaries if your husband is emotionally abusive.

EFFECTIVE BOUNDARIES ARE:

• Not communicated to the emotional abuser with words
• Courageous actions that evolve to fit YOUR emotional safety needs
• Essential to emotional and psychological safety

SETTING EFFECTIVE BOUNDARIES DOES NOT INCLUDE

• If-then statements given to the abuser verbally or in writing
• Stating your values or what you need
• Telling him if he does it again, you’ll do something in response

HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES IN MY EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?

Establishing effective safety boundaries is new territory for many women who find Betrayal Trauma Recovery.

If you’re wondering how to set boundaries, begin this process, ask yourself these questions:

• What actions can I take today to begin creating more emotional & psychological safety for myself?
• How will I learn effective strategies to keep expanding my emotional & psychological safety? The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop teaches you step-by-step how to set boundaries effectively and maintain boundaries in an emotionally abusive relationship.
• Where will I seek support as I begin the process of establishing safety boundaries? We recommend Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions.

Elsa, a member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery community, shares how she learned how to set boundaries with her emotionally abusive husband.

TRANSCRIPT: HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES WITH AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE HUSBAND

Anne: We have a member of our community on today’s episode. We’re going to call her Elsa and talk about how to set boundaries. Welcome Elsa.

Elsa: Thank you.

Anne: She’s been a podcast listener for a long time. It’s always an honor to have podcast listeners on. So thank you so much for supporting the podcast by listening to it. Let’s start with your story. Tell me about the beginning. Did you recognize your husband’s abusive behaviors at first?

Elsa: When I first met him, two days in, he told me something that wasn’t the truth. But I thought, “Wow, how vulnerable. He told me he cheated on a past partner.” One partner, one time.It’s grooming. I had no idea what grooming was, it was a way to get me to trust him. I thought, “He was up front and told me this information. It’s all there is. All the skeletons are out of the closet.” And they weren’t.

Anne: If your husband is grooming, he makes you think, “No one who is a liar would tell me this . He must be telling the truth.” He tells a part of the truth that is the tip of the iceberg. If he told the truth, he’d say, “I look at pornography and masturbate every day. I’ve cheated on every partner. And I have every intention of cheating because I don’t want to be with one person.” But he doesn’t. He says just a tiny bit and then claims, “Now everything’s out on the table.”

WHEN HE GIVES YOU THE IMPRESSION YOU DON’T NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES

Elsa: It creates a false sense of safety, yeah.

Anne: Exactly,