7 Emotional Safety Examples: How to Establlish Emotional Safety in Marriage

Do you feel anxious, confused, or unsafe in your marriage, but you can’t quite explain why? These 7 emotional safety examples can help you find clarity when your husband’s words sound loving, but his actions leave you feeling betrayed.

Before we get to the list, to see if he’s using any one of the 19 types of emotional abuse tactics, take our free emotional abuse test.

7 EMOTIONAL SAFETY EXAMPLES

In this article you’ll see the following emotional safety examples:

• 7 Practical examples of emotional safety issues.
• Identifying his behaviors that threaten your emotionally safety.
• Realizing that your reactions to his emotional abuse are “normal.”
• What getting the right information means for your emotional safety.
• Honoring your needs and boundaries is essential as you decide next steps.

1. IF HIS ACTIONS DON’T MATCH HIS WORDS, TRUST WHAT YOU SEE

How it Sounds: “I love you and I’d never do anything to hurt you or our family.”

His promises could sound comforting, but his patterns are evidence that shows who he really is. If you find yourself assessing his mood or, rehearsing conversations afterwards to figure out what went wrong. Or realize the same issues never get resolved no matter how carefully you explain them, start trusting what you can see and feel.

Emotional safety begins with trusting your instincts.

2. IF HE USES MONEY OR OTHER RESOURCES TO CONTROL YOU, UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS

How it Sounds: “I’m just trying to take care of you. You don’t need to worry about the money.”

It may feel caring or protective for your husband to take care of the finances, but if he is secretive about his purchases, monitors every purchase you make, withholds money, interferes with your ability to work, or makes you feel dependent on him for basic needs, that is not protection. It is control.

Emotional safety examples, means you have access to money, transportation, information, food, medical care, and communication without having to beg, panic, or wait for him to decide whether you deserve them.

3. IF HE USES STRESS, SADNESS, OR HELPLESSNESS TO EXPLOIT YOU, PROTECT YOUR ENERGY

How it Sounds: “I’m so overwhelmed lately. I need your help, so I can focus on recovery.”

If your husband tries to pressure you into feeling responsible for his recovery by using stress at work or his overwhelming shame as an excuse to get you to schedule his appointments or keep track of his progress, it’s important that you protect your energy.

Emotional safety means he considers you as a person with needs and a life of your own, not just someone who’s there to “help him” manage his.

4. IF HE TWISTS THE TRUTH AND BLAMES YOUR “POOR” COMMUNICATION, BE STRATEGIC: EMOTIONAL SAFETY EXAMPLES

How it Sounds: “You never told me you had a problem with my behavior.”

One of the ways a manipulative husband keeps his wife from discovering the whole truth about his addictions or affairs, is to keep her stuck in a cycle of confusion over communication. You might have already spent years crying and trying to explain how his choices are hurting you, only to have him say that he “didn’t understand because you didn’t explain it clearly” or because “he didn’t like being accused.”

Emotional safety examples are not established by trying to perfectly explain why something hurts you. It’s recognizing that someone who benefits from deception has a strong incentive to pretend he never understood your concerns in the first place.

5. IF HE BLAMES YOU FOR HIS BETRAYALS, REMEMBER BLAME IS A DEFLECTION

How it Sounds: “I wouldn’t have done this if you were more affectionate, less critical, or easier to live with.”

If your husband blames you for his use of inappropriate material, cheating, emotional affairs, lies, or other betrayals, he is shifting responsibility for choices that were always his to make.

Emotional safety examples begin with releasing yourself from any responsibility for the choices he has made.

6. IF HE SUGGESTS COUPLE THERAPY, SEEK EMOTIONAL SAFETY FIRST

How it Sounds: “Let’s go to couples therapy so we can both work on our issues.”

If your husband lies or withholds information that directly affects your reality, safety, health, finances, sexuality, or ability to make informed decisions, he uses coercive control. This is not a marriage issue. Traditional couples therapy is not designed