The Agony of Betrayal: How to Use Music to Heal

Voicing the agony of betrayal trauma can come in many different forms. Ralynne Riggs, a professional singer and victim of betrayal and abuse, shares her experience. She created a YouTube cover of the song Anything Worth Holding On To.

TRANSCRIPT: VOICING THE AGONY OF BETRAYAL

Anne: I’ve posted the music video we’re talking about today on our YouTube channel. So after you’ve listened to this episode, click here to find Betrayal Trauma on YouTube.

This music video really captures the emotions that women go through when they’re experiencing betrayal trauma. So many women feel this way. They’re going to relate when they see it. Once you see it, you’ll know what I’m talking about. It’s incredible. And I really want to get this video out there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0UGEHQNHKw THE AGONY OF BETRAYAL: HELP US GO VIRAL

Anne: So maybe with your help. We can get it to go viral. Anything you can do to help us go viral would be greatly appreciated. So go to YouTube and watch it. Like it, share it, subscribe to our YouTube channel.

RALYNNE VOICES HER AGONY THROUGH MUSIC

Anne: Ralynne Riggs is the woman who created this music video. She was born and raised in Chandler, Arizona. Her passions include singing, dancing, acting, horseback riding, baking and making movies. As you will see when you go to our YouTube channel. As well as being the favorite aunt to her beautiful nieces and nephews.

Since she was young, her greatest passion has been the stage. She received her bachelor’s degree in vocal performance from Brigham Young University and has performed as a leading soprano throughout the U. S., China, and Austria. After graduation, she became a lead singer for Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida and on a Disney cruise line.

Ralynne has learned the importance of hard work, confidence, self worth, and perseverance in bringing one’s dreams to life. Her mantra is you can do anything. If you just do it. Welcome Ralynne.

Ralynne: Thank you so much Anne.

Anne: So I’m hoping by this time people have paused this podcast. They’ve gone to our YouTube channel. They have seen this amazing music video that you made. I hope they shared it and commented. I’m hoping that they’re letting their friends and family know about this incredible video. Also that they’re understanding that this can help their friends and family. And other people understand the pain that victims go through.

So you were prompted to create this video to help educate people about betrayal trauma.

INITIAL DISCOVERY OF HIS BETRAYAL

Anne: But before we get to that and what happens with that, let’s start with your own personal story. Did you know about your husband’s pornography addiction before you married?

Ralynne: I did know a little bit about his addiction before we were married. There was one night when after things were more serious in our dating that he approached me. He said there were things in his past that he wanted to make me aware of. So that I truly knew everything about him. He shared with me that he struggled with this throughout his teenage years.

But you know, I was kind of naive to the problem, to how serious a addiction could be. What that all entailed. I didn’t know the right questions to ask. I thought, well no one’s perfect, and I asked him if he had struggled with it since. Because he said he had cleaned up and didn’t struggle with it at all.

To me, I thought, well, that was brave of him to bring that up with me and share it with me. And I believed him and I didn’t know what else to ask about it.

THE AGONY OF BETRAYAL: YOUR HUSBAND IS LYING TO YOU

Anne: Even if you had, because we know that users often lie about their use. Or abusive men often lie and manipulate. So even if you had known the so-called right questions to ask, that likely wouldn’t have helped you.

What we find helps women more, and you know this now, is what behaviors to look for. And you also didn’t know that at the time what a cheating husband says. What was your reaction to his disclosure about viewing and acting out with explicit material after you married?

THE AGONY OF BETRAYAL: INFIDELITY

Ralynne: Well it was about five months into our marriage that he called me very distraught and crying. And telling me that I needed to come home because he needed me. I didn’t know what was going on. And then I got home. He shares with me that he viewed and acted out to explicit material. In my mind I was thinking, okay. So all of a sudden after four or five years of not viewing it, you’ve gone back to it.