I still remember lining up at races and thinking more about my weight than the course ahead of me.

The numbers on the scale felt heavier than the bike beneath me.

Every ounce mattered… or at least, that’s what I told myself.

I wasn’t just competing against other riders; I was competing against my own body. Meals weren’t meals; they were calculations. Long rides weren’t freedom; they were punishments for not being

lighter,

leaner,

faster. On the outside, I looked committed. On the inside, I was consumed.

The truth is, I wasn’t self-aware back then. I confused obsession with discipline. I thought control meant strength. But looking back, I can see how fragile it made me… physically, mentally, and emotionally.

It took a long time, and a lot of painful lessons, to realize that strength isn’t about perfection. It’s not about punishing your body into submission. It’s about knowing yourself, your limits, your needs, your purpose and training in a way that serves life, not shrinks it.

That shift toward self-awareness changed everything for me.

Watch Episode 14.

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