#5: Discover Your Narrative Worth: 'What Someone Will Say About You When You're Not in the Room'

In this episode, I talk with Toby from California about friendship, identity, aging, and the conversations that help us become more fully known.

Toby introduces us to the Australian idea of mateship: the kind of trusted connection where someone has your back, listens without judgment, and offers honest perspective when you need it most. From there, we explore what Toby calls narrative worth—the fuller story of who we are beyond job titles, résumés, and the narrow ways we often introduce ourselves.

These themes eventually led us into a poignant and practical conversation about aging, caregiving, planning ahead, and the hard-but-loving conversations families need to have before crisis arrives. Toby speaks honestly about turning 65, caring for a neurodivergent adult son, and thinking through how to prepare well for the people he loves.

In this episode, we explore:

• What "mateship" means and why trusted circles matter
• How friendship can offer honest feedback without the usual family or workplace filters
• Why your story is bigger than your title, résumé, or LinkedIn profile
• Toby's idea of "narrative worth" and how you can use it to shape how you show up
• How hidden parts of our lives can reveal meaningful strengths
• The importance of planning ahead for aging, care, and family responsibility

Reflection question:
What part of your story have you kept hidden or minimized that might actually help others understand who you really are?

Links and resources mentioned:

• Connect with Toby on LinkedIn.
• Learn more about Toby's work with narrative strategy at Spatial Shift.
• Explore The DO Lectures, where Toby's international circle of friends first began connecting through writing and community.
• Learn about The DO Lectures Micro Blog System, the writing course Toby mentions as part of how the group first formed.
• Learn more about DO Loss, the book Toby references in connection with grief, loss, and moving through change.

If you or someone you know has a meaningful, life-affirming story to share on Perennial Pen, email me at nate@silvermaplestrategies.com.

Until next time, listen for what matters most.