64. Relating to Your Own 💩

In this episode, I'm sharing an unexpectedly literal metaphor that emerged from our recent NOURISH retreat in Vermont. What started as resistance to emptying a compost toilet became a great life lesson about the inner work we're all called to do - and why we can't outsource our own transformation.

I'm talking about what it really means to "deal with our own shit" - the uncomfortable inner work of facing our inner critic, anxiety, perfectionism, and strained relationships. And why, as much as we want shortcuts, there's no way around actually doing the work ourselves.

Key Points

The Compost Toilet Metaphor

• The unexpected reality of a rustic retreat center with self-sustaining practices
• My initial resistance and feelings of unfairness about this task
• How one retreat participant helped shift my perspective with humor and companionship
• The bigger metaphor hiding in an uncomfortable weekend experience

Why We Avoid Our Own "Stuff"

• We'd rather flush our problems away than see, smell, or relate to them
• The inner critic, anxiety, perfectionism, and maternal relationship wounds we avoid
• The "why do I have to be the one?" complaint we all feel
• Wanting others to take out our metaphorical shit instead of owning it ourselves

The Resistance IS the Invitation

• Rumi's wisdom: "The wound is where the light enters"
• Seeing discomfort, conflict, and pain as teachers rather than problems
• How vulnerability in community creates powerful transformation
• What the women at the retreat courageously faced and felt

What Are You Avoiding?

• The uncomfortable parts of yourself driving your life's bus
• Inner critics, doubt, fear, resistance, resentment, and anger that need attention
• The difference between what we can delegate vs. what we must face ourselves
• Why curiosity and kindness are essential when relating to our difficult parts

The Power of Not Doing It Alone

• Community as witness and companion in difficult inner work
• How shared experience provides perspective when you're in the thick of it
• The importance of bringing someone in - therapist, friend, or loved one
• Being witnessed with compassion so you can actually release what no longer serves

The Transformation: From Waste to Nutrients

• Understanding that nothing is truly waste - it all becomes fuel for growth
• The humanure pile metaphor: how our "shit" feeds the ecosystem
• Alchemy, transformation, and reclamation in real time
• How our wounds become the nutrients that help new things flourish

Quotes

"You can't build the muscle if you don't go to the gym. You have to actually do the reps yourself."

"The wound is where the light enters." - Rumi

"When we actually see our stuff, when we put our shit out there, it can be the thing that allows us to throw it in the pile."

"What is the uncomfortable shit that you are avoiding looking at, being in, relating to, and really taking ownership for?"

"It is not fun ever, or effective or helpful most of the time to do this alone."

"When we really see our shit as the wound where the light enters, we realize that it can transform into nutrients."

"It's never waste. It is fuel and it is nutrients that helps other things to grow."

Reflection Questions

• What uncomfortable inner work are you trying to flush away without facing?
• What parts of yourself are you wanting to outsource that actually need your attention?
• Who could you invite into witness your process with compassion?
• Where is the resistance in your life actually pointing toward your growth?

What's Next

More retreat reflections coming soon - stay tuned for deeper insights from this transformative weekend with courageous mothers doing the work.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

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