103. Let's REWIRE...Anxiety

In this second episode of the Let's REWIRE miniseries, I'm talking about one of my favorite topics: anxiety. What if anxiety isn't the enemy? I explain why we don't want to get rid of anxiety, why I actually worry more about people who have none, and how to tell the difference between anxiety that keeps you safe and anxiety that keeps you from living. I also share the Yale study that shows how much our own relationship with anxiety shapes our kids, a personal story about the dead trees in our yard, and the timely message about playfulness from an ancestor session that changed how I think about rumination.

Key Points

• The anxiety pattern: thought loops, catastrophizing, rumination, and trying to get a certainty we'll probably never get
• Why anxiety thinks it's being responsible, and thinks you're irresponsible if you don't play out every outcome
• Anxiety is here on purpose. We wouldn't be alive without our ancestors' anxiety
• Why I'm done arguing about whether anxiety is "technically" an emotion, because it's happening in our bodies either way
• How anxiety lives in the sympathetic nervous system, and why staying stuck there wears us down
• The close relationship between anxiety, perfectionism, and the shame underneath them
• "We work locally and we act globally": when we work with one pattern, we work with many
• You're not causing your daughter's anxiety. She was born with a nervous system. What you model is how you relate to it
• The Yale SPACE study: training only the parents worked just as well as CBT for the anxious child
• Anxiety thrives on avoidance, and why over-accommodating our kids' anxiety backfires
• Anxiety means you care about something. Where is it pointing you?
• Turning anxiety into purpose and action (like finally cutting down the dead branches over our yard)
• The two parts of the REWIRE process: getting to know and tending the pattern, and strengthening what lives on the other side of it
• Why playfulness lives in a state where anxiety can't, and why we turn up the volume on one and turn down the other

Quotes

"What if anxiety isn't the enemy?"

"We want to have enough anxiety online to keep us alive, but not to keep us from living."

"You are not causing your daughter's anxiety, because she was born with a nervous system. Don't give yourself that much credit, honestly."

"Helping our children handle their anxiety differently begins with changing what we do when their anxiety activates us."

"I worry more about the people that have no anxiety."

"When you awaken playfulness, the ruminating will fall away."

"The goal isn't to eradicate anxiety. It is to understand the role anxiety plays, where it lives in your nervous system, and how we can use it for good."

Resources Mentioned

• REWIRE : What You Keep Repeating, my seven-week program starting in late October 2026: https://theschoolofmom.com/rewire
• Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents by Lynn Lyons : https://www.lynnlyons.com/anxious-kids-child-anxiety/
• The Yale SPACE study (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions): https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment-guide/space/
• Yoga Tune Up therapy balls (part of the REWIRE welcome gift)
• Episode 102: Let's REWIRE... Time: SPOTIFY or APPLE Podcasts
• Send me a voice note: Send Sarah your voice note right HERE : https://www.speakpipe.com/theschoolofmom
• Get on our WAITLIST to hear what's changed with our upcoming program: https://theschoolofmom.com/waitlist
• Self-awareness Trap : https://theschoolofmom.com/trap
• Not sure where to start? Take the Discover Your Dominant Inner Voice Quiz : https://theschoolofmom.com/quiz

What's Coming Next

The Let's REWIRE miniseries continues with our relationship with our bodies.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

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