89. The grief for a mother who's still alive

Mother's Day is coming — and for some of us, it lands with a kind of grief that's almost impossible to explain. This episode was inspired by a deeply moving session with our Untethered alum group: a community of women navigating dysfunctional or estranged relationships with their moms. If you're a mom who has a hard relationship with your mom, this one's for you — and it might be the most important thing you share this season.

Key Points

• What it means to be an "Apple" — and why having a space where you don't have to explain yourself is everything
• The bucket that only your mother can fill (unconditional witnessing, love, and acceptance) — and what to do when she can't
• Why even the most well-meaning partners often make it worse — and what to ask for from the people in your life instead
• Why the School of MOM community exists: to be the circle where you are deeply seen, without explanation
• The two ends of the spectrum: numbing/compartmentalizing vs. fully insourcing your own mothering — and what to do when you're somewhere in the middle
• The first practice to reach for in a hard moment: the mindfulness of struggle ("This is really hard" + hand on heart)
• Introducing FMF — Feel My Feelings — and why carving out intentional time to be with your feelings (not alone) is the practice
• The power of non-human resources: trees, rocks, bodies of water, candles, pets — as steady companions in your FMF moments
• How naming the struggle brings your prefrontal cortex online and opens the door to the nervous system's safety and connection state
• An announcement: Sarah is opening a rare one-on-one coaching spot for a mom of daughters who is ready to close the gap between knowing and embodying

Quotes

"I am honestly ready for my mom to die — and all I want is my mom. And there's not a lot of groups where you can say something like that and people are nodding their heads."

"Your relationship with your mom is so foundational, so profoundly foundational to everything in your life — how you mother, how you relate to yourself. It creeps in."

"The next best resource, ultimately, is you — to learn how to insource what you are seeking from your mom."

"This is really hard. Hand on heart. This is hard. That's the first practice."

"What we practice, we get good at."

Resources Mentioned

• Untethered alum community — for women with dysfunctional or estranged mother relationships: https://theschoolofmom.com/untetheredwaitlist
• Send Sarah a voice note
• Flourished Mother MAP : https://theschoolofmom.com/map
• One-on-one coaching inquiry: http://theschoolofmom.com/private-coaching

What's Coming Next

If this episode spoke to you, don't keep it to yourself — share it with a mom in your life who struggles around Mother's Day. And if you're ready to stop white-knuckling it alone and start doing this work with support, reach out about the one-on-one spot or explore the Flourished Mother Map as your first step.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

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