97: Executive Presence Teaches You to Perform. Leadership Presence Lets You Stop. — STYLE & STRATEGY WITH SONYA

What happens when you've been told to "work on your executive presence" and you take that advice seriously? You learn to project confidence, manage your body language, speak with brevity, dress the part. And it works on the surface. But inside, it costs you something, and the gap between what you're projecting and how you actually feel keeps getting wider.

In this episode, I unpack the difference between performing presence and leading from identity, using a fascinating psychology experiment from Dartmouth and real client examples to show why the old model breaks down. If you listened to episodes 93 and 94, this is where the conversation gets practical: what does it actually look like when you stop performing and start leading from who you are?

Key takeaways

The Dartmouth scar study showed that when people believed they had a visible facial scar (which had been secretly removed), they reported being treated differently. Their expectation shaped their experience, not reality. The same dynamic plays out in corporate leadership when women internalise feedback about their presence.
The performance trap happens when you build presence on tactics without a foundation of identity. You learn to project confidence, but managing the gap between projection and reality drains cognitive energy in every room.
Confidence is built through mastery experience, not projection. Bandura's self-efficacy research confirms that the most powerful source of confidence is successful action, but you need self-trust to take the action in the first place.
You cannot fix the external components of presence without addressing internal clarity first. A stylist can dress you. A communication coach can sharpen your delivery. Neither will hold without understanding how you're naturally designed to lead.
Identity-first presence changes three things: your morning gets simpler (wardrobe becomes a tool, not a daily decision), your conversations change (preparation is about content, not performance), and the gap between rooms closes (you're the same person in every context).
When presence comes from identity rather than performance, it sustains without the energy cost of constant recalibration.

Timestamps

0:00 Opening: The Gap Between Projection and Reality
0:25 Welcome to Style and Strategy Podcast
1:10 The Dartmouth Scar Study
2:41 Corporate Version: Executive Presence Feedback
3:27 Putting On vs. Leading From Identity
4:52 The Founder Who Rated Herself a 3/10
6:18 The Three Components of Leadership Presence
7:23 Style Serves Identity
9:19 What Changes When You Lead From Identity
10:49 The Scar Study Revisited
12:11 Where the Real Work Begins

Further reading

Kleck, R.E. & Strenta, A. (1980). Perceptions of the impact of negatively valued physical characteristics on social interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 39(5), 861-873.

Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191-215.

Links and resources

➡ Find out what is creating the gap between your capability and how your experience is in under 5 mins. Complete the Leadership Presence Gap Assessment here: Assessment

➡ Download the Wardrobe Guide for women in leadership – Get a curated list of must-have wardrobe staples that blend versatility, style, and impact: Guide

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Connect with Sonya

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