EP 100: Escaping High-Control Religion and Abusive Marriages: Tia Levings' Journey of Recovery, Writing, and Hope

In this episode of That's Where I'm At , host Laura interviews Tia Levings, a New York Times bestselling author of A Well-Trained Wife , her memoir of escaping Christian patriarchy, and I Belong to Me: A Survivor's Guide to Recovery and Hope after Religious Trauma . Tia shares her journey of escaping abusive marriages and a high-control religious environment rooted in strict gender roles and fundamentalism.

Tia writes about religious trauma, evangelical patriarchy, and the Trad Wife movement, helping decode the fundamentalist influences that shape news and culture. Her work and insights have been featured in Teen Vogue, Salon, Newsweek, and HuffPost , and she has appeared as a speaker, podcast guest, and on the Amazon docu-series Shiny Happy People .

During the conversation, Tia discusses "author divorce," career sabotage, and the importance of having accurate language to name and understand trauma. She emphasizes that recovery is a gradual process that requires community, boundaries, and self-reclamation. Based in Raleigh, North Carolina, Tia is a mother of four adult children and continues to support survivors through her writing, speaking, and advocacy.

 

Key Topics & Timestamps

Podcast Introduction (00:00:30) Host Laura introduces the podcast's mission to share women's stories of healing from toxic relationships and secrets.

Trigger Warning (00:01:19) A brief announcement warns listeners that the episode's content may be triggering and advises them to take care.

Guest Introduction: Tia (00:01:28) Host Laura introduces guest Tia, a New York Times bestselling author and survivor of religious trauma and domestic abuse.

The "Author Divorce" and Career Sabotage (00:02:34) Tia discusses how her success as an author led to her second divorce, a phenomenon she calls "author divorce."

Finding Freedom After Leaving (00:08:20) The host and guest discuss the immense freedom and clarity they felt after leaving their abusive partners and toxic environments.

Tia's Early Life and Religious Indoctrination (00:13:50) Tia describes her childhood, moving from a culturally Christian background to a high-control megachurch and fundamentalist subculture.

Marriage, Abuse, and Escape (00:19:37) Tia recounts her quick marriage, the immediate onset of abuse, and her eventual escape from a church-sanctioned domestic abuse situation.

The Healing Journey and "I Belong to Me" (00:23:38) Tia explains the importance of rebuilding oneself after trauma and the premise of her second book on healing.

Navigating Covert Abuse (00:26:46) The discussion covers the insidious nature of covert psychological abuse and the difficulty in recognizing and unpacking its impact.

Healing with Adult Children (00:29:28) The host and guest share experiences of apologizing to their children for past indoctrination and finding healing in their relationships.

Setting Spiritual Boundaries (00:34:32) Tia explains why she keeps her current spiritual beliefs private, offering a boundary for those deconstructing their faith.

Writing "A Well-Trained Wife" (00:41:45) Tia details the decade-long process of writing her memoir, driven by the rise of Christian nationalism under Trump.

The Power of Naming Abuse (00:44:10) The conversation highlights how having the language to name experiences like narcissistic abuse is a crucial first step toward healing.

Who Should Read "I Belong to Me" (00:50:38) Tia explains that her second book, while titled with "religious trauma," is for anyone healing from high-control or toxic relationships.

 

Powerful Quotes from the Episode

Tia, "The minute I walked out, I felt like a dog that somebody opened the gate for, and I started running."

Tia, "Now I am just free. It's so much peace that my creative fountain is overflowing, and I can get my work done."

Tia, "I used to think I suffered from a lot of imposter syndrome, and it turned out, no, I just lived with somebody who continually moved the goalposts."

Tia, <span