57. You’re Not Delusional — There’s Real Joy in Parenting a Neurodivergent Child

Trigger Warning

This episode includes mentions of intrusive thoughts and parental burnout. Please take care while listening.

Episode Overview

Have you ever gone from wanting to run away to feeling overwhelming love for your kids — all within five minutes? You’re not delusional. You’re devoted.

In this raw and deeply relatable episode, Jane unpacks the wild emotional contradictions of raising neurodivergent children — the chaos, the guilt, and the strange, feral kind of joy that sneaks in when you least expect it.

Drawing on the latest neuroscience and parenting research, she shares how joy isn’t mythical — it’s mechanical. There’s a recipe for it, and ADHD mums can learn to bring it back even in the middle of messy mornings and meltdown chaos.

What You’ll Hear

• Jane’s honest story of one chaotic morning that spirals from meltdown to meaning
• Why joy and rage can coexist — and what it means for ADHD brains
• How Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan, 2000) shows us the three switches for joy: Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness
• What the “Nowhere I’d Rather Be” study revealed about parents of autistic children finding real joy because of, not despite, their children
• Practical micro-shifts you can make today to feel joy again — even if your house is held together by hair ties and hope

This Episode Is For You If...

• You love your child but sometimes feel like you’re losing your mind
• You’ve ever cried in the car after drop-off, then felt deep love minutes later
• You’re craving joy but feel too exhausted to find it
• You need a reminder that devotion, not delusion, drives your parenting

Key Takeaway

Joy isn’t a reward for getting everything right — it’s a survival instinct. It hides in micro-moments of choice, competence, and connection. When you flip those switches, joy finds its way back.

Resources Mentioned 

• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). Self-Determination Theory: Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.
• Schultz, W., Dayan, P., & Montague, P. R. (1997). Reward Prediction Error: Science, 275(5306), 1593–1599.
• Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow. Harper & Row.
• Dietrich, A. (2004). Neurocognitive Framing: Consciousness and Cognition, 13(4), 746–761.
• “Nowhere I’d Rather Be” (UK study on autistic parenting joy, 2023)

Related ADHD Mums Episodes

• The Lipedema Op: The Invisible Illness You Weren’t Supposed to Notice — Finding identity beyond diagnosis

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