24. The 3 Types of ADHD in Women (And Why So Many of Us Go Undiagnosed)

For thirty years, ADHD has had one wanted poster. Loud, can't sit still, disrupting the class, talking back — a boy. And you weren't him. So you walked past every checkpoint in your life — the GP, the teachers, the report cards, the parent-teacher nights — and nobody stopped you. Maybe someone said you were bright, you just needed to apply yourself. Maybe you got 'conscientious' on every report card. And conscientious doesn't go with ADHD, does it?

Three different women can all have ADHD. All three can walk straight past that same poster on the wall, and not one of them gets stopped — because not one of them looks like the sketch. This episode is Jane putting three new posters up: the inattentive mum told to try harder, the 'too much' mum who apologises for her personality before she's said a word, and the 'fine' mum everyone leans on who's hanging off a cliff on the inside. See if you find your own face on the wall.

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00:00 — The one wanted poster ADHD has had for thirty years

01:25 — Three women, one poster, and why none of them get stopped

02:17 — Who drew the poster — and why the quiet ones were never in the sketch

03:54 — One Monday morning, one clock, four different mothers

04:32 — The neurotypical mum, and where the difference actually shows up

05:54 — Profile 1: the inattentive mum, told her whole life to try harder

07:36 — The planner graveyard — six apps, four planners, three years of fresh starts

08:17 — Profile 2: the mum who's always been 'too much'

09:12 — Apologising for your personality before the conversation starts

09:39 — The drive home, and the tape that runs every single time

11:00 — Profile 3: the mum everyone says is 'fine'

11:50 — 'I don't know how you do it' — and why it doesn't land as a compliment

12:54 — Why she only rests when her body reaches up and stops her

13:35 — The real reason so many of us slipped through — it didn't cost anyone else

15:07 — If you've just been diagnosed: the relief, the grief, and what you can put down

15:56 — How we actually redraw the poster

• The single wanted poster ADHD has been diagnosed against for thirty years — and why your face was never on it
• Why 'conscientious' on every report card was a signal everyone read backwards
• One ordinary Monday school run, four mothers, one clock — and the four completely different mornings happening behind the same front doors
• Profile 1, the inattentive mum: the permission slip she looked at on four separate nights, and why no planner, app or alarm has ever held
• The difference between a neurotypical mum forgetting the form and an ADHD mum forgetting it — it's not the forgetting, it's what happens next
• Profile 2, the 'too much' mum: the verbal hyperactivity nobody put on a poster, and the tape that runs on every drive home
• Why apologising for your own personality before you've started talking should be a diagnostic tick in its own right
• Profile 3, the mum everyone calls 'fine': the one who looks the most together and is the closest to the edge, and why 'I don't know how you do it' makes her feel more alone
• The uncomfortable answer to why so many of us went undiagnosed — not because our ADHD was lighter, but because it only ever cost us
• What there is to feel if you've been diagnosed late — the relief, the grief for what might have been — and the part of it you're allowed to put down
• How the poster actually gets redrawn, and the one small thing that starts it

• Preparing for Diagnosis — for the 'oh, that's me' moment, and what to do next — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/preparing-for-diagnosis/
• After Your Diagnosis Kit — for the relief-and-grief part, if you've already been diagnosed — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mum-after-diagnosis-kit/

• Pre-Diagnosis Workbook — the deeper 'get clear before you spend money on an assessment' version — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/prediagnosisworkbook/
• Assessment & Diagnosis Bundle — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/bundle-adhd-diagnosis-assessment-guides/

• Too Much? Or Just Misunderstood: ADHD, RSD & the Power of Emotional Intensity — S2 EP83, Jane solo — the deep dive on the 'too much' profile — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-83-too-much-or-just-misunderstood-adhd-rsd-the-power-of-emotional-intensity/
• ADHD or PTSD? Why So Many Women Are Misdiagnosed — S2 EP82, with Amanda Moses — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-82-adhd-or-ptsd-why-so-many-women-are-misdiagnosed-with-amanda-moses/
• ADHD Mum: What You