Rewards Are Punishments in Disguise

For years, I thought I was doing everything right. I had left the yelling behind. I praised my girls constantly; I made star charts. I was a trained teacher and a school counselor, and I believed with my whole heart that catching kids being good was the kind, positive way to parent. I thought I was building my daughters up. What I could not see was that I was quietly teaching them that my warmth was something they had to earn.

The thing that cracked it open for me was watching my sensitive oldest, Esme. She had decided her teacher loved her or hated her depending on how many stars she got that day, and she was holding it together at school and falling apart the second she got home to me. That was when I realized the reward system I was fighting at her school was the same one I had been running at home. In this episode, I share what I learned: why praise and punishment are not opposites, why the carrot stops working, and what to say to your child instead so they grow up knowing who they are rather than watching you to find out who to be.

Join us on our Weekly Training every Thursday at 9:30 am PT live on Zoom

Interested in coaching? Let's have a conversation

Check out my book UNPUNISHED

Join us inside Skool

Follow Peace and Parenting:

Instagram: @peaceandparenting

Facebook: @peaceandparentingla

YouTube: @peaceandparentingla

💌 Enjoy today’s episode? Please share it with a fellow parent or leave a rating and a review.

Feeling called to bring this work to other parents? Our Coaching Certification Program trains you to do exactly that. DM me CERTIFICATION on Instagram for details.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy