#21: 'The Thing That Has Never Failed Is to Listen With an Open Heart'

Some family stories survive because one person finally thinks to ask the right questions. That's what happened to Lisa from Florida, our very special guest on this episode.

Lisa's story-preservation process started with a beloved family cookie: thin, crispy chocolate spice cookies made each year by Hansi, a relative whose life had been shaped by the Holocaust and subsequent immigration to Venezuela.

Lisa loved those cookies as a child. Years later, when Hansi was elderly, Lisa asked how she made them. She came away with Hansi's distinctive cookie cutter and a handwritten recipe — in German, difficult to decipher, and still nearly impossible for Lisa's family to recreate exactly.

What she didn't get were all the little details that never made it onto the page.

That almost-lost recipe opens a much bigger conversation in this episode about what we inherit, what we preserve, and what it means to belong when your family story crosses countries, cultures, religions, and generations.

Lisa shares why she now believes we have to ask questions while we still can. She describes a beautiful tradition she created for her daughter's quinceañera, asking family members to write down treasured recipes along with the little instructions, memories, and context that make them more than just ingredients on a page.

We also talk about Lisa's own evolving understanding of belonging. Growing up in Venezuela with an American mother and a Venezuelan-born father whose parents were Holocaust survivors, Lisa once experienced her family's many cultural influences as evidence that she didn't entirely fit anywhere. Over time, she began to see those features of her life differently: not as competing identities, but as a rich collection of experiences that allowed her to belong in more places than she realized.

That insight continues to inform Lisa's work with young people as a nonprofit CEO and, especially, as a parent.

We talk about the difference between fitting in and belonging, the extraordinary pressure young people can feel to be exceptional while simultaneously trying not to stand out too much, and why teenagers need their parents' steady presence even when every outward signal seems to say otherwise.

Lisa also offers a powerful practice that can benefit all of our lives, whether or not you have children:: listen with an open heart. That means giving another person our presence before our advice and our curiosity before our judgment.

In this episode, we explore:

• How a beloved family cookie recipe was nearly lost — and what Lisa wishes she had asked while there was still time

• How recipes can preserve far more than ingredients, including family history, migration, memory and identity

• How Lisa helped her daughter begin collecting family stories through handwritten recipes

• Why multicultural family histories can create both questions of belonging and an extraordinarily rich sense of identity

• The important difference between fitting in and truly belonging

• Why young people need adults who are curious about their experiences rather than quick to judge or fix them

• How parents can remain a dependable "base" for teenagers as they explore greater independence

• Why listening with an open heart may be one of the greatest gifts we can give another person

• How our quirks, differences, and perceived imperfections might be some of the very things worth preserving

• Why honoring where we came from can help us honor the people and generations coming after us

Sincere thanks to Lee Williams for his fantastic production of this and every episode of Perennial Pen.

Reflection Question

Who is one person you care about whom you could listen to more intentionally — without fixing, correcting, or preparing your response — and what might you discover if you simply gave them your full attention?

Connect with Lisa Hauser

• Learn more about Code/Art, the nonprofit Lisa Hauser leads as CEO

• Connect with Lisa Hauser on LinkedIn

Call to Action

If you or someone you know has a meaningful, life-affirming story to share on Perennial Pen, email me at nate@silvermaplestrategies.com. I reply to every message personally!

Chronicle Your Loved One's Stories or Your Organization's Anniversary/Milestone

Would you like help preserving your loved one's amazing life stories? Is your business or nonprofit looking for a way to celebrate an important anniversary or milestone? My wife, Julie, and I can help you do that.

Learn more about our 90-day Perennial Pen engagement: https://www.silvermaplestrategies.com/perennial-pen-family-legacy-book