Why AI Is Making Us Lonelier and How to Truly Connect | Vanessa Van Edwards

The questions you ask on autopilot might be the reason you feel lonely in a room full of people.

Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioral researcher who has studied master conversationalists for two decades, sat down with Lewis to talk about why so much of our talking leaves us empty. One in six people worldwide are affected by loneliness, and she believes the way we talk to AI is quietly changing the way we talk to each other.

In her book Conversation, she lays out three levels of connection, from basic facts all the way up to the private story you tell yourself about yourself. She explains why “Been busy?” is the single worst question in small talk, and why asking for stories beats asking for facts every time.

The most honest moment comes when Lewis asks what she still struggles with. Her answer is charging for her own work, a belief she traces back to her early twenties, and you get to hear a level three conversation happen live.

You will walk into your next dinner or team call ready to say “tell me more” and actually mean it. Pick one person you love and ask them a better question tonight. You might be surprised how deep your relationships can go.

Pre-Order: Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count

Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People

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Vanessa's Website

In this episode you will:

• Replace dead end small talk like “Been busy?” with questions that invite stories instead of facts
• Discover Dr. Dan McAdams’ three levels of connection to move any conversation past surface chatter
• Become a dream builder who adds energy to other people’s ideas instead of poking holes in them
• Signal warmth and competence through your body language and voice so people believe what you bring
• Rewrite the self narrative holding you back by shifting from contamination stories to redemption stories
• Break the loneliness cycle by practicing real conversation skills that AI can never replace

For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1987

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