Alabama Bama - Bring on the Plague, I Dare Ya

The plague's getting loose and I pick up the phone like a sucker — Bama's already sure she's basically bulletproof. She walks me through her summer of medical miracles: scurvy from an all-White Claw diet, a ringworm shaped exactly like Florida, and an "internal parasite" she picked up at what she insists felt like a swim-up bar (turns out it was a flooded Waffle House). We try to figure out how any of that equals immunity and, predictably, the conversation goes gloriously off the rails. It's equal parts gross, ridiculous, and somehow deeply believable, with Bama's confidence only getting louder as the evidence gets stranger. Stick around — this one escalates quick and you'll be glad you weren't the one who answered that call.

Takeaways:

• I answered Bama's call and she swore the plague had better watch out—she's 'bulletproof' after her summer mishaps.
• I listened as Bama confessed she got scurvy from an all-White Claw diet, then ringworm in the shape of Florida, and somehow lived to tell it.
• We debated whether a flooded Waffle House counts as a 'swim up bar' after Bama described catching an internal parasite there.
• I tried to gently explain how immunity actually works while Bama proudly catalogued scurvy, ringworm, and parasites as proof she's untouchable.
• She signed off saying her parasite likes biscuits and gravy, and honestly I'm still not sure who I'm supposed to be worried about.