National Pumpkin Spice Day? I’m Not Falling for It

Today is National Pumpkin Spice Day, and yeah—I’m here to mock the holiday because pumpkin spice has officially taken over my life. We trace the nonsense back a bit—McCormick was selling pumpkin pie spice in 1934 and then Starbucks dropped their pumpkin spice latte in 2020 and basically rewired fall into a foam-and-oat-milk situation. Fun fact: “pumpkin spice” barely even contains pumpkin—it's cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves and allspice doing all the heavy lifting while pumpkin just stands there taking credit. Now it's in everything from candles and dog treats to soap, Doritos, and yes, someone even made a pumpkin spice casket (because of course). So we salute the mysterious genius who invented artificial pumpkin spice flavor—equal parts brilliant and slightly terrifying—and I’m officially drawing the line at pumpkin spice Spam.

Takeaways:

• I joke that National Pumpkin Spice Day is totally unnecessary, 'cause pumpkin spice already rules three months straight.
• We note McCormick has been selling pumpkin pie spice since 1934 — the OG autumn flex, history baby.
• I point out pumpkin spice isn't actually pumpkin; it's cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves and allspice pretending to be pie.
• We mock the product creep hard: coffee, cereal, candles, dog treats, soap, even a pumpkin spice casket exists now.
• I sarcastically salute the 'Artificial Pumpkin Spice Flavor Inventor' as a real American hero while I draw the line at pumpkin spice Spam.