Alabama Bama - 30,000-Mile Walker?

I take a call from Bama about a British guy who walked 30,000 miles over 28 years — she calls it a waste of shoe leather and can't fathom the point. She yells about walking, worships Walmart motor scooters, and swears she won't move back up to Arkansas now that they don't sell cigarettes. Mid-rant she casually announces she was married seven times in 28 years and didn't have to walk to find any of them. I try to get back on topic about the long walk, but Bama keeps doubling down on the absurd stuff until she abruptly signs off. She leaves because, and I quote, "my teeth are done soaking," which is honestly the most Alabama Bama way to end a conversation. We hang up laughing and wondering how life keeps getting weirder in the best possible way.

Takeaways:

• I rib a guy who walked thirty thousand miles while Bama calls that nonsense a waste of shoe leather and refuses to sympathize.
• We find out Bama hates walking — she rides Walmart mobility scooters like religion and hits the horn every time.
• I gasp when Bama casually says she married and divorced seven times in twenty‑eight years, most of them 'came right to my trailer'.
• We argue about cigarettes and moving back to Arkansas because Walmart stopped selling Newports, which Bama calls persecution.
• The call ends with Bama announcing her teeth are soaking in a coffee mug, then she bails mid‑sentence — classic chaotic exit.