Two miles out: Cleveland’s new ‘Gulf’ and map drama for days

Cleveland just declared part of Lake Erie the “Gulf of Cleveland,” and yeah — the city council voted 13 to 1 to slap that name on the water, stretching two miles out from the shoreline. I’m telling you, it’s mostly a tongue-in-cheek dig at all the renaming drama, but they’re actually gonna send it to Apple and Google and try to update the maps — crowdsourcing geography, baby. We riff on how every city will want a piece of the ocean now — Sea of Detroit, Lake Chicago, Gulf of Pulaski County — cartographers everywhere sipping whiskey. We also dig into this goofy International Body of Water Registry thing — someone named a puddle “Lake Melissa” for $50 and got a “certificate of authenticity,” which my wife supposedly loved (or pretended to). Then we spiral into naming mop buckets and bathtubs — Tubby Roosevelt, Pale McCartney, Pooley Eilish — because why not make every wet thing officially ours?

Takeaways:

• We joked that Cleveland declared part of Lake Erie the 'Gulf of Cleveland' as a silly rebrand.
• I said the city council passed it tongue-in-cheek, taking a playful jab at renaming fights and outrage.
• We fantasized about crowdsourcing geography, imagining Detroit, Chicago, and tiny puddles all getting official names and certificates.
• I teased that people will name every water spot, from bathtubs to bird baths, for fun and profit someday.
• We laughed about the International Body of Water Registry selling certificates, me naming puddles 'Lake Melissa' as a gag.
• I joked we'll have maps updated by Apple and Google while cartographers sip whiskey and quietly cringe.