Alabama Bama - SpaceX Stock

I pick up the phone and Bama's already plotting to invent kids so she can snag hypothetical SpaceX stock from Elon Musk. I try to talk sense into her, but she’s proud of having “invented fathers” for years and thinks rocket shares are just fancy Monopoly money. We fumble through the whole “stock vs. stock” joke — she once bought 14 cans of chicken broth instead of shares — and the self-checkout is apparently witchcraft. She says she’d use the windfall to buy back her pontoon and get matching “I knew you were my mama” T‑shirts for her real kids, while the imaginary ones get nada. Then, in classic Bama fashion, she casually announces she’s gonna Google how to falsify a birth certificate for a kid that don’t exist; I say that’s a felony, she says “Ka ching,” and somehow we both hang up laughing.

Takeaways:

• I nearly lost my cool hearing Bama brag she'd invent kids to snag hypothetical SpaceX stock.
• We laughed when Bama mixed up 'stock' meanings and came home with fourteen cans of chicken broth instead of shares.
• I warned her falsifying birth certificates is a felony, but Bama shrugged 'Ka ching' and said she'd Google it anyway.
• I got kinda soft hearing Bama say she'd buy back her pontoon and get matching 'I knew you were my mama' shirts.
• I realized Bama barely understands the Walmart self-checkout, so teaching her how stocks work would be chaotic and hilarious.