We Were Raised to Be Nice. That's a Trap.

Five years in a room about race, the family myth I went digging into, and why comfort isn't the same as joy.

There's a phrase I use about colour all the time: once you see it, you can't un-see it.

And while this is super true, and reflected back to us daily by our students and clients - actually the most world-shifting version of that in my life wasn't about colour psychology, it was about the colour of my skin.

Today's episode, Joy First decision #8 - is about the decision I made to commit to a lifetime of understanding and doing my part to stand up against racism and systems of oppression.... and to understanding my place in them as a white woman. This commitment came in 2020, after the murder of George Floyd, when a friend invited me into Dr. Lynne Maureen Hurdle's programme, On the Matter of Race.

I stayed in that room, every other week (with some seasonal breaks), for over five years. And it fundamentally shifted how I see the world now.

In this episode I share about the white bubble I grew up in, and never questioned, about the "good white person checklist" I walked into 'the work' looking ofr, the the family myth about Cherokee ancestry I went digging into (and the far more complicated truth I found), and why when it comes to people being oppressed and marginalized, there is no neutral.

This work may feel heavy, but it isn't the opposite of joy.

In fact, it's one of the deepest sources of joy I've found in my life - as it's broken me open, and clarified my own mission and purpose in ways that make it matter1000x more. I'm not an expert or a teacher, I will always be a student... but if you're curious please join me in this exploration.

In this episode:

• Why niceness and politeness can keep us complicit, and the difference between niceness and kindness

• "Am I unsafe, or just uncomfortable?" (the question that changes everything)

• Holding complexity: how we can be both harmed and part of the harm

• Why facing this work unlocks joy rather than draining it

Resources mentioned:

• On the Matter of Race with Dr. Lynne Maureen Hurdle: https://theconflictcloser.com/matter-of-race

• Nice White Ladies by Jessie Daniels: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57007984-nice-white-ladies

• Xander Golden's Thread: https://www.threads.com/share/BAYmpoeP1k/

• The "Dealing With Whiteness" series on my previous podcast, Joy, Colour, Impact & Dogs:

on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/joy-colour-impact-dogs/id1697112722

on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5EsgLUsJrJWebrNrxNPHG1

If this episode stirred something in you, share it with someone you'd like to invite into the work. See you next time for Joy First Decision #9.

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