Mailbag: Aggression, name calling & meltdowns — Low Demand Parenting

In this deeply empathetic mailbag episode of the Low Demand Parenting Podcast, Amanda Diekman answers two listener questions about navigating the challenges of dysregulated kids:

Physical Aggression and Meltdowns: What do you do when your child is physically aggressive, whether toward you or siblings? Amanda shares strategies for:
- De-escalation: Dropping demands in the moment to reduce tension and prioritize safety.
- Co-regulation: Staying grounded so your child can borrow your calm to find their own.
- Practical tips for balancing priorities like safety versus expectations, and the importance of repair after meltdowns.
Name-Calling and Emotional Pain: How do you handle deeply painful words from a dysregulated child? Amanda dives into:
- Why name-calling is a symptom of deep dysregulation, not malice.
- How dropping the expectation that “hurtful words won’t happen” fosters connection and healing.
- The transformative work of exploring why certain behaviors hurt you, healing your own emotional wounds, and modeling resilience for your child.

This episode is filled with actionable strategies, personal reflections, and encouragement for parents navigating the complexities of dysregulated kids.

Time Stamps:

00:46 Understanding Dysregulation in Children

03:14 De-escalation and Co-regulation Strategies

10:16 Addressing Name Calling and Emotional Safety

18:39 Healing and Self-Reflection for Parents

20:38 Conclusion and Listener Engagement

Additional Resources:

Low Demand Parenting book : a love letter to exhausted, overwhelmed parents everywhere. Get the first chapter free!
Why is everything with my kid so hard?: Take the quiz to find your first step forward!
Low Demand Parenting Blog: a treasure trove of low demand wisdom

The Low Demand Parenting Podcast is your space to let go of the pressure and embrace a more joyful, authentic approach to parenting. We hope you enjoyed this episode and would be honored if you left us a review which helps us reach more parents just like you!

Transcript:

Welcome to the Low Demand Parenting Podcast, where we drop the pressure, find the joy, and thrive, even when it feels like life is stuck on level 12 hard. I'm Amanda Diekmann, author, autistic adult, and mom of three. I'm not here as an expert, but a fellow traveler. Together, we're learning how to live more gently, authentically, and vibrantly in this wild parenting life.

Today, we have a mailbag episode where I answer your questions about things that are concerning you, things that you're facing as a low demand family. In this mailbag episode, I'm responding to two questions about kids who are really dysregulated. We'll cover aggression and meltdowns and picking fights and calling names in this episode, but I just want to note that not all kids show their dysregulation through external behaviors.

This It is called externalizing, when we can see the fact that their nervous system is overtaxed, that they're having big feelings, that they don't have tools to manage, and when they're beyond their window of tolerance, basically a kid that's dysregulated, we see it on the outside in the way that they behave and act.

And many kids do this. They take their insides and they bring them outside and we can see it easily. Anyone can. But some kids are just as dysregulated. They're just as outside their window of tolerance. They're just in just as much pain on the inside. But rather than bringing it out, they will internalize their dysregulation.

They'll bring it out. inside thei