Won't versus Can't: The mindset shift that changes everything

When I started practicing low demand parenting, it wasn’t because I read a book or found a perfect system. It was because our family hit a wall—and nothing else was working. One of the very first mindset shifts that saved me, and continues to guide me every single day, is this: shifting from won’t to can’t.

 

This episode is all about that shift—from believing our kids (or ourselves) won’t do something, to realizing they can’t in this moment. I unpack:

•   Where the “won’t” mentality comes from and why it’s so ingrained in us.
• How shifting to “can’t” opens up curiosity and compassion (for your kid and yourself).
• What happens in the early phases of low demand parenting when all the hidden can’ts start tumbling out.
• How safety, masking, and nervous system overwhelm all play into what your child can (and can’t) do—and how that changes from moment to moment.

 

If you’ve ever thought, “They won’t just put their shoes on, they won’t go to bed without me, they won’t do their homework,” this episode is for you. Let’s rethink it together.

 

ADDITIONAL LINKS

• Ross Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (Plan B) - https://www.livesinthebalance.org

• Submit a question for future episodes via SpeakPipe

• Previous episode: What is Low Demand Parenting?

• Low Demand Parenting book : a love letter to exhausted, overwhelmed parents everywhere. Get the first chapter free!  
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• Low Demand Parenting Blog: a treasure trove of low demand wisdom