Why You Get Angrier When Your Partner Tries to Fix the Problem
We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling · Aug 25, 2026 · 56:32
We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling
We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling · Aug 25, 2026 · 56:32
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In relationships, you can come to your partner upset, hear a perfectly reasonable solution—and somehow feel even worse.
You wanted them to understand what hurt.
They started trying to make the problem go away.
What started as one frustrating moment can quickly turn into a much bigger fight: “Do you even understand why this upset me?”
In this episode:
Why advice can make you feel more dismissed when you are already hurt
How a small problem turns into “Do you even understand why this upset me?”
Why an apology or solution can still feel too fast
What makes listening difficult when the hurt is about something your partner did
How to tell when understanding has actually happened before moving on
I’m joined by Kim Polinder, author of Why We Fight, for a conversation about feeling unheard, getting defensive, offering advice too quickly, and what happens when one partner is still trying to be understood while the other is already trying to move forward.
Sometimes the fight gets bigger not because the original problem was huge, but because you still do not feel understood.
Listen to Why You Get Angrier When Your Partner Tries to Fix the Problem and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, conflict, communication, and feeling understood.
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
Why We Fight: A Transformative Road Map to Healing Conflict in Any Relationship
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
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