535: How to Set Boundaries Without Building Walls with Debbie Causey

Boundaries can feel uncomfortable, but they’re essential for healthy relationships! Counsellor Debbie Causey joins Karen and Emily today to explain what healthy boundaries actually look like, how over-functioning hurts the people we’re trying to help, and how to know when it’s time to say no. If boundaries are hard for you, you’ll walk away with practical tools, including how to start with a few “baby nos” to protect your relationships without building walls.

Episode Recap:

• Why are boundaries a universal struggle? (2:40)
• Healthy boundaries aren’t a wall, they’re a fence with a gate (4:11)
• We need to learn the difference between a burden and a backpack (6:45)
• How can I tell if I have a boundary issue with someone else? (10:54)
• Over-functioning teaches people to be lazy and steals their confidence (14:15)
• What's the difference between setting a boundary and just avoiding people? (16:00)
• Get someone objective in the situation if you need to (22:36)
• Practice saying “ baby” nos (23:31)

Scripture: Galatians 6:2-5 (NIV) 
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Is there a relationship where you’re carrying someone else’s “backpack”? What would it look like to hand that responsibility back to them?
2. Where are you over-functioning for someone in a way that may actually be keeping them from growing?
3. What’s one “baby no” you need to practice saying this week? What makes that ‘no’ difficult for you?

Resources:

• Need more on Boundaries with your kids ? Listen to episode 494! 
• Pick up a copy of Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & John Townsend
• Reach out to have Karen come speak in your community.

Want More of This Conversation?
During Wire Talk+, Debbie shares a personal story of when she got it really wrong by not having boundaries and leaves us with encouragement about how boundaries can change your life for the better!

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