4. MUM RAGE #1: 3 Reasons ADHD Mum Rage Feels Like It Came Out of Nowhere. (It Didn't.)

I picked up the kids in my husband's car the other day. The youngest said something. The next one waited until they finished, then said something back. There was a pause. I turned around and looked at three kids not even fighting and thought, is this how pickup goes? In my car, it's on the second they get in. Someone's interrupting, someone's yelling, I'm turning the music up to drown them out, ready to throw myself onto the driveway while it's moving. Same kids. Same school. Different mum.

What We Cover

• The hubby-car pickup vs my-car pickup — same kids, same school, completely different ride
• What happens to your nervous system when you're already at a rolling boil before the kids even get in the car
• Interoception — why the signals your body's been sending all afternoon don't land in real time for an ADHD brain
• Alexithymia — the clinical inability to name a feeling in the moment, and the 42–51% of ADHD adults living inside it
• Why mum rage feels like it came out of nowhere when it didn't, and why 'try harder, breathe more, be more like other mums at pickup' was never the answer
• The dinner-time cheese moment — the fan, the dog, the kid in the shower, the TV, the iPad — and why it was never about the cheese
• Who actually benefits when the rage gets called your temperament instead of your load — and why the lavender oil keeps not working
• Part 1 of 2 — what's happening underneath. Part 2 is what to do about it.

Related Episodes

• S2 EP84: Mum Rage Part 1 (Jacinta Thomson) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-84-i-love-my-family-but-im-so-fking-angry-mum-rage-part-1/
• S2 EP85: Mum Rage Part 2 — Real Tools for Real Rage — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-85-real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2/
• EP52 HORMONES: When HRT Isn't Enough — Mum Rage & Perimenopause Explained (Dr Sunita Chelva) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-hormones-when-hrt-isnt-enough-mum-rage-perimenopause-explained/
• EP82: Overstimulated Before 7am (Rachel Few) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/rachel-few/
• EP12 QUICK RESET: I Can't Stop Snapping When My Child Does This — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-12-quick-reset-i-cant-stop-snapping-when-my-child-does-this-one-thing/
• S3: I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes, Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/im-gentle-with-my-daughter-for-ten-minutes-then-i-tell-myself-to-stop-being-such-a-fcking-embarrassment/

References:

Bruton, M., Hall, S. S., & Pollock, M. (2025). Diminished interoceptive accuracy in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: A systematic review. Psychophysiology, 62(2), e14750. https://doi.org/10.1111/psyp.14750

Edel, M.-A., Rudel, A., Hubert, C., Scheele, D., Brüne, M., Juckel, G., & Assion, H.-J. (2010). Alexithymia, emotion processing and social anxiety in adults with ADHD. European Journal of Medical Research, 15(9), 403–409. — Found 22% of ADHD adults met TAS-20 cutoff (≥61).

Donfrancesco, R., Di Trani, M., Gregori, P., Auguanno, G., Melegari, M. G., Zaninotto, S., & Luby, J. (2013). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and alexithymia: A pilot study. ADHD Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders, 5(4), 361–367.

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