74. You’re Not That Mum (Back to School Edition)

If you’re standing at the edge of a new school year already feeling tight, alert, or on edge — this episode is for you.

Not because you’re anxious.

Not because you’re controlling.

And not because you’re ‘that mum’.

In this episode, Jane unpacks what actually happens for many mums as school resumes — especially those parenting neurodivergent children.

1. The pressure to stay ahead.
2. To manage outcomes.
3. To prevent last year from repeating itself.

What often gets misunderstood is this:

1. that tension isn’t about wanting control.
2. It’s about knowing what’s at stake.

This episode explores the difference between regulation through behaviour and regulation through relationship — and why mums so often find themselves translating between systems that don’t speak the same language.

Jane reflects honestly on her own controlling reactions, not as a flaw, but as a signal of care under pressure.

The result is an episode that offers relief, recognition, and permission — not resolution.

This is not a ‘back to school readiness’ episode.

It’s an emotional exhale before the year begins.

In This Episode, We Cover

1. Why the start of the school year activates so much nervous system stress
2. How last year gets carried forward in the body
3. The difference between caring, control, and influence
4. Why mums are often labelled ‘that mum’ when they’re actually translating systems
5. Regulation through relationship vs regulation through behaviour
6. How fear of repetition drives over-functioning
7. Why letting go of control isn’t the same as giving up
8. Permission to choose influence where control isn’t possible

This Episode Is For You If

1. You feel braced heading into the school year
2. You’re worried about becoming ‘that mum’
3. You’re carrying last year’s stress into this one
4. You’ve had to advocate repeatedly for your child
5. You feel responsible for making the system work
6. You want relief and clarity, not another checklist

🔗 Related Episodes

These episodes sit in the same school-season and systems-translation lane, and deepen the themes explored here.

Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year

Why mums carry the system stress, not just the logistics

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-63-surviving-the-mental-load-of-the-school-year/

Why am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong? (Quick Reset)

How last year gets carried in your body

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/

Making the Invisible Mental Load Visible: How to Share the Load Without the Stress

Translating between systems, not controlling them

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-73-making-the-invisible-mental-load-visible/

The Great Gaslighting: When Schools Say ‘We Don’t See It’

Validation for parents who know their child needs relationship first

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-7-school-series-the-great-gaslighting-when-schools-say-we-dont-see-it/

When School Stops Feeling Safe

What happens when connection breaks down

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-19-when-school-stops-being-safe/

Final Note

You’re not ‘that mum’.

You’re a mum who knows what happened last time — and doesn’t want a repeat.

This episode isn’t asking you to try harder.

It’s reminding you that regulation, safety, and influence don’t come from control.

If this episode hit home, sh