98. The Mental Load: Being the One Who Holds Everything Together

If you’ve ever stepped away for five minutes…

come back…

and everything has already escalated —

this episode is for you.

Because it’s not just the moment.

It’s the feeling that if you’re not there…

it doesn’t hold.

And somehow

you’ve become the thing

that keeps everything from tipping over.

In this episode, we unpack the invisible role so many ADHD mums carry — the one where you’re not just part of the family… you’re the one holding it together.

The one who reads the room.

Softens the tone.

Finds the compromise.

And slowly realises…

nothing really runs without you.

🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:

• What emotional labour actually looks like inside a family
• How you become the ‘regulation’ in the room without realising it
• Why things escalate faster when you step away (and what that creates)
• The difference between helping… and holding the entire system together
• How hypervigilance turns into a full-time role
• Why your nervous system never fully switches off
• What happens when everyone starts relying on you to stabilise things
• The hidden cost of always stepping in ‘because you can’
• Why burnout here isn’t about one moment — it’s repetition
• How this shifts from a behaviour… into an identity

💭 This episode is for you if:

• You feel like you can’t fully leave, even when you leave
• Things escalate quickly when you’re not there
• You’re the one who smooths, translates, and fixes
• You feel responsible for how everyone interacts
• You’re exhausted, but can’t explain exactly why
• You’ve wondered ‘am I too much… or just too involved?’

🎁 Free Resource

ADHD Self-Test

https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/

If you’ve ever thought

‘why does everything seem to land on me?’

this is a helpful place to start.

🎧 Related Episodes

Too Exhausted to Be the Parent You Want to Be

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/too-exhausted-to-be-the-parent-you-want-to-be

Why You’re Bad at Asking for Help and What to Do Instead

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-18-quick-reset-why-youre-bad-at-asking-for-help-and-what-to-do-inste

When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

Why Self-Care Feels Like Another Task

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-22-quick-reset-why-self-care-feels-like-another-fcking-task/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Free Resources Good Copy

Free Resouces