15. Should You Make Your Child Hug Relatives? Body Autonomy and the Kiss Goodbye

Have you ever stood at the sink at nine o'clock at night, kids asleep, house finally quiet, and had a friend text you how are you going? — and found nothing there? Not sad. Not fine. Just nothing. You could have told her exactly how the kids were, what's on tomorrow, what your hubby's up to, what's happening with the school term. But you, the actual person underneath running all of it — you went looking for her and she wasn't in.

There's a name for that. It's not the exhaustion everyone talks about. It's the other one.

What We Cover

• What I found on my phone when I watched the video back — and why my first thought was who let me out like that
• Why standing at the edge of the handball court at seven and standing at the edge of the room at thirty-eight are the same thing wearing a different outfit
• The reason nobody taught you to mask, and nobody had to
• What it actually costs you — not the tiredness, the other thing, the one that has a researcher's name on it
• Why 'good girl' was the best deal you were ever offered, and the worst one
• What's actually happening the moment you say go on, give your auntie a hug — and why you say it even though you'd fight anyone who tried it on you
• The two things that decide what a mask really costs you — and why most neurotypical mums are paying almost nothing for theirs
• Why staying in burnout can feel safer than being looked after, and what that has to do with lunchtime at school
• Where I'm starting, given that taking it off for myself is still too hard

Free Resources

Energy Accounting Guide —

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/

Paid Resources

Meltdown & Shutdown Guide

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/navigating-meltdowns-strategies-for-parents/

Related Episodes

You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now. — S3 EP35 — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/

What Is Underneath the Mask? Uncovering Who You Are After Diagnosis — S2 EP17, with Tanya Hicks — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-17-underneath-the-mask-uncovering-who-you-are-after-diagnosis/

References & Further Reading

Cage, E. & Troxell-Whitman, Z. (2019). Understanding the Reasons, Contexts and Costs of Camouflaging for Autistic Adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(5), 1899–1911. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-018-03878-x

Cage, E., Di Monaco, J. & Newell, V. (2018). Experiences of Autism Acceptance and Mental Health in Autistic Adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 48(2), 473–484. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3342-7

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313

Send a SMS voice or written on 0403 457 313

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Free Resources Good Copy

Free Resouces