105. I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes. Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment

You can talk your daughter down in two minutes. Then you turn around and tell yourself to stop being such a f*cking embarrassment.

Same brain. Same mum. Two completely different voices within minutes.

🧠 What we cover in this episode:

• Why you can co-regulate a child in two minutes and tear yourself apart for the rest of the day
• The "good girl" reflex and how we absorbed an inward voice between six and twenty-six
• Why co-regulation is a directional skill — and most ADHD mums have only built it pointing outward
• Why the inward channel isn't empty — it's full of RSD running threat assessment on you
• Why "be kinder to yourself" has never worked (and isn't going to)
• Why gratitude journals, affirmations, "filling your cup," and "talk to yourself like your best friend" don't fix this
• Why softness towards yourself can feel like a threat to the structure holding everything together
• The identity layer — being "the regulated one," the calm mum, the one who handles it
• The one thing that actually works — and yes, you'll feel ridiculous doing it

💭 This episode is for you if:

📥 Free Resource:

➡️ Energy Accounting Guide — for when you've worked out the cup isn't empty, it's got a hole in the bottom of it. A free guide to figure out where your energy is actually going. 👉 Download here

📓 Want to go deeper?

The ADHD Values & Planner is for when you realise being "the regulated one" has become an identity, not a choice — and you want to find your way back to what actually matters to you. 👉 Get the planner here

🎧 Related Episodes:

• S1 EP9: An RSD Story — Taking My Own Advice 👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/an-rsd-story-taking-my-own-advice-s1-ep9/
• S3 EP35: You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now. 👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/
• S3 EP53: QUICK RESET: Self-Care Feels Nice. Self-Regulation Keeps You Alive. 👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

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👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

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Mentioned in this episode:

Give away bad for biz - free resources

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