The Problem with Time Outs: Why They Fail, and What to Do Instead
Recently, in
Part 1 of this two-part mini-series, we began looking at a question from listener Melissa:
"Can time-outs ever have a place in a respectful parenting approach? (And if not, what else am I supposed to do when my kid looks me in the eye and does something he knows he’s not supposed to do?)" That episode looked at the academic research on the effectiveness of time-outs, what else might account for the research that finds them ‘effective,’ and whether time-outs might harm children even if the research says they don’t.
Today’s episode builds on Part 1 by exploring why time outs often fail to address misbehavior effectively - and may harm parent-child relationships.
Key points include:
- We often don’t understand the distinction between misbehavior and emotional distress: Researchers agree that we should use time-outs when children misbehave, but not when they’re emotionally distressed. But what if we aren’t as good at telling the difference between those two states as we think we are?
- Understanding why children do things we tell them not to do: We look specifically at what Melissa’s 3 ½-year-old son is doing - things like poking her face, throwing a toy when she’s told him not to, and dropping food on the floor during dinner, as well as pulling his sister’s hair, and hitting/kicking her.
- How alternatives to time out are even more effective: Even in controlled lab settings, compliance after time-outs often doesn’t exceed 60%. We’ll meet parent Kendra, whose child had an Oppositional Defiant Disorder diagnosis that she no longer believes is true now she’s using the tools we discuss in this episode.
Drawing on research and these real-life stories, this episode offers actionable insights for parents who want effective alternatives to time-outs.Whether you’re dealing with boundary-testing toddlers or older children’s challenging behaviors, this episode provides tools to help you deal with your child’s misbehavior by creating empathy and trust, rather than disconnection and resentment.Love what you’re learning? Support the show and help us keep delivering insightful episodes like this one! 👉 Click here:
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Other episodes mentioned:
Jump to highlights:
01:52 Review of previous episode on timeouts
05:41 Understanding emotional distress and misbehavior
15:51 Addressing misbehavior without timeouts
19:30 The role of emotion regulation in parenting
36:02 Alternatives to timeouts
References:
Allen, K. D., & Warzak, W. J. (2000). The problem of parental nonadherence in clinical behavior analysis: Effective treatment is not enough.
Journal of applied behavior analysis,
33(3), 373-391.
Bostow, D. E., & Bailey, J. B. (1969). Modification of severe disruptive and aggressive behavior using brief timeout and reinforcement procedures.
Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis,
2(1), 31-37.
Brown, G. D., & Tyler Jr, V. O. (1968). Time out from reinforcement: A technique for dethroning the “duke” of an institutionalized delinquent group.
Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry,
9(3‐4), 203-211.
Burchard, J. D., & Barrera, F. (1972). AN ANALYSIS OF TIMEOUT AND RESPONSE COST IN A PROGRAMMED ENVIRONMENT 1.
Journal of applied behavior analysis,
5(3), 271-282.
Carraturo, F., Di Perna, T., Giannicola, V., Nacchia, M. A., Pepe, M., Muzii, B., ... & Scandurra, C. (2023). Envy, social comparison, and de
