Harmless Joke? No, It Was Sadism & Why Your Body Spotted the Truth First

That flash of something is wrong you couldn't quite explain? Your body caught it before your mind could argue you down.

In this Viewers' Stories episode, Dr. Kerry McAvoy reacts to a so-called "prank" a husband pulled on his wife — secretly serving her breast milk in their guests' coffee, then bringing her breakfast in bed: toast smeared with their newborn's poop in place of peanut butter. The wife wondered if she was overreacting. Too sensitive. Unable to take a joke.

This is everyday sadism — cruelty dressed up as humor — and it runs on the same engine as narcissistic abuse and gaslighting: make you doubt what you felt, and you'll never confront what they did. That's the trap. Everyday sadism doesn't hide in the shadows. Your own decency blinds you, because you can't imagine someone who claims to love you could be this callous. So instead of confronting the person who hurt you, you turn on yourself — convinced you must have gotten it wrong. That self-doubt isn't a side effect. It's the point.

In this episode: 

• What everyday sadism and sadistic behavior actually look like
• Why your body registers danger before your mind can rationalize it away
• The exact mechanics of how cruelty disguised as humor enables gaslighting and coercive control in narcissistic abuse
• Why survivors are conditioned to question their own reactions and not their abuser's

For more on everyday sadism, be sure to check out Dr. Kerry’s interview with Joe Navarro.

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

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Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

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This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).