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A year. Two years. Five years. Ten years. Still stuck on the same person. If that is you, this episode is not going to tell you to give it more time.
In this episode, I sit down with my colleague Jesse S., a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified coach who co-facilitates our Heartbreak Recovery Intensive with me here at Growing Self. Between us, we have watched a lot of people walk in still tangled up in a relationship that ended months or years ago, and walk out free of it. Jesse joined me to talk about what we have seen actually work, including the one reframe that unlocks years of stuckness for almost every person we meet.
In this episode:
The factory accident sign that explains why you have been resetting your healing clock for years without realizing it
Why a breakup mimics the symptoms of PTSD, and what is actually happening in your nervous system
The exact reason your thinking brain and your attachment brain disagree about whether to text your ex back
Why heartbreak recovery groups move people faster than years of one-on-one therapy
The closure myth that keeps people waiting for an apology from someone unable to give it
The airplane metaphor that finally lets you accept the good parts of a relationship that had to end
Why most therapists are not trained in heartbreak recovery, and what to look for instead
The reclaim-the-song, reclaim-the-room experiment that does more than years of talking about feelings
Why this matters
This episode is for anyone who has been stuck on a past relationship long enough to be embarrassed about it. The person you cannot stop checking in on. The relationship that ended a long time ago but somehow still has a vote in your life. The voice in your head that keeps telling you that you should be over this by now. We see you, and we have seen this. There is a way through, even if it has been years.
Resources
Full episode article and show notes
How Over Your Ex Are You? Quiz
Heartbreak Recovery program at Growing Self
Online breakup support group
I know that going through heartbreak can make you feel like you're so alone. I hope that by listening to this conversation today you felt like other people get what you're going through, and that you have more clarity on how to find your way forward.
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. If you want to know exactly where you are in the process before you talk to anyone, the How Over Your Ex Are You? quiz at growingself.com/breakup-quiz-how-over-your-ex-are-you takes about two minutes and tells you the truth.
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