You Deserve People Who Show Up

A week ago, Michael Trainer was on top of the world. He'd just met six or seven wonderful people at a gathering in Uluwatu, Bali, and made plans to see each of them. By the end of the week, every one of those plans had fallen through.

The reasons were ordinary: work, a sick pet, something came up. What stayed with him was that almost nobody tried to repair it.

In this solo episode, Michael looks at a quiet crisis in modern relationships. A generation ago, your word was as good as a contract. Now, in a culture of dating apps, algorithms, and swipe-right, swipe-left disposability, we have started putting how we feel ahead of what we promised. The cost is higher than we think. Time is the one resource none of us gets back, and every careless cancellation tells the other person their time doesn't matter.

Michael offers a simple way to cancel without closing the door: acknowledge their time, name what came up, and offer a real way to reconnect. He also makes the case for radical directness. That means a clear yes, a clear no, or an honest maybe, and saying early and plainly what you're looking for and what you're available for.

Then the episode goes deeper, into why this matters so much. Michael draws on the reunion scene in Antwone Fisher, a young soldier alone at his graduation until a senior officer steps forward to hold him, and a Māori family welcoming their son home with a haka at the airport. Each is an image of what every one of us is still wired for. We are tribal beings, and for most of human history being cast out of the tribe meant death. Underneath our schedules and our excuses, we all want to be seen, to belong, and to be honored for who we are.

This is a call to be someone who shows up, and to go find the people who will show up for you.

"Go out and find that table where you are greeted as family coming home."

Michael Trainer has spent 30 years learning from Nobel laureates, neuroscientists, and wisdom keepers worldwide. He's the author of RESONANCE: The Art and Science of Human Connection, co-creator of Global Citizen and the Global Citizen Festival, and host of the RESONANCE podcast.

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