Christianity Is the Oldest Conspiracy Theory in Human History

Something happened 100,000 years ago that changed everything.

A bolt of lightning split a tree in front of a group of early humans. The tree exploded into fire. The ground shook. The air cracked with a sound louder than anything they had ever heard.

Nobody died. But the brain needed to know why. Not what happened. Why. What caused it. Who caused it. What did it want. What does it mean.

The brain could not tolerate not knowing. So it invented an answer.

Something up there did that. Something powerful. Something invisible. Something with intentions. Something that could be angered and needed to be appeased.

There was nothing up there. There was electrical discharge between clouds. But the brain was not built to accept that explanation. The brain was built to survive. And survival requires knowing who is in charge, even when nobody is.

That moment, replicated millions of times across thousands of generations, is where religion began. Not in revelation. Not in truth. In a brain that could not handle uncertainty and invented an invisible agent to fill the gap.

There is now a precise scientific framework explaining exactly how that happens and why the same mechanism is running inside MAGA right now.

The Believing Brain

In 2011, Michael Shermer, psychologist, science historian, and founder of the Skeptics Society, published The Believing Brain. Shermer holds a position at Chapman University and has spent decades studying why humans believe things that are not true.

His central thesis overturned the assumption most people carry about how belief works. The common assumption is that people gather evidence, evaluate it rationally, and form beliefs based on what the evidence supports.

Shermer showed the opposite. Beliefs come first. The evidence comes second. The brain forms the belief through fast, automatic, unconscious processes. Then it goes looking for evidence to support the belief it already holds. It finds confirming evidence easily. It discards contradicting evidence automatically. And the person experiences the entire process as rational, evidence-based thinking. Even when it is nothing of the kind.

Shermer identified two cognitive processes that drive this engine. Together they explain everything from the origin of religion to the rise of QAnon.

Patternicity

The first process Shermer identified is patternicity. The tendency to find meaningful patterns in both meaningful and meaningless data.

The human brain evolved in an environment where detecting patterns was essential to survival. A rustling in the grass could be the wind. It could also be a predator. The brain that assumed predator and ran survived. The brain that assumed wind and stayed did not.

Over hundreds of thousands of years, natural selection built a brain that over-detects patterns. A brain that sees connections where none exist. A brain that finds signal in pure noise. Because the cost of a false positive, running from wind, is trivial. The cost of a false negative, ignoring a predator, is death.

This is why humans see faces in clouds, hear messages in static, and find meaning in coincidence. The pattern detection system is running constantly, and it is calibrated toward over-detection. Seeing a pattern that isn’t there costs nothing. Missing a pattern that is there costs everything.

Patternicity is the first stage of belief formation. The brain connects two dots. A black cat crossed my path and then something bad happened. I prayed and then my child recovered. A Democrat was elected and then the economy changed. The connection is not causal. But the brain registers it as a pattern. And once a pattern is registered, the second process takes over.

Agenticity

The second process Shermer identified is agenticity. The tendency to infuse patterns with meaning, intention, and agency.

Patternicity finds the pattern. Agenticity assigns a mind behind it. Not just “these two things are connected” but “something intended for them to be connected.” Not just “this happened” but “someone made this happen.”

Lightning is not an electrical discharge. It is a message from the sky. A drought is not a weather pattern. It is punishment. A child’s death is not the result of disease. It is part of a plan. A plan designed by an invisible agent with intentions, emotions, and demands.

Shermer showed that agenticity is not a failure of intelligence. It is an evolutionary adaptation. In the ancestral environment, the most important patterns to detect were those created by agents: predators, rivals, potential mates. The brain that correctly identified agency survived. The brain that attributed the rustling in the grass to “just the wind” when it was actually a lion did not.

The result is a brain that defaults to agent detection. When something happens and the cause is unclear, the brain does not default to “random physical process.” It defaults to “someone or something did this on purpose.”

Shermer wrote that patternicity and agenticity together form the cognitive basis of shamanism, paganism, animism, polytheism, monotheism, and all modes of Old and New Age spirituality. They are also the cognitive basis of conspiracy theories. Because conspiracy theories and religions are built on exactly the same neural architecture.

The God Template

Every religion in human history follows the same cognitive template.

Something happens that the brain cannot explain. The brain detects a pattern through patternicity. Then the brain assigns an invisible agent through agenticity. Then the community builds a story around the invisible agent. Then the story becomes doctrine. Then the doctrine becomes identity. Then the identity becomes untouchable.

Lightning strikes a tree. The brain detects a pattern: something powerful and invisible caused this. Agenticity assigns an age