Why Women Stop Betting on Themselves (And How to Start Again) with Niro Feliciano — The Alli Worthington Show

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Shifts are happening. Women in their 40s are coming to therapy not because life is unraveling, but to rediscover who they are. Therapist Niro Feliciano, a Today Show regular, calls this process excavating, pulling back layers of output, caretaking, and self-doubt to find the woman underneath.

In this episode of Smart Girl Summer, Niro and I talk about the real reasons women hesitate to bet on themselves, where those self-limiting beliefs actually start (yes, middle school makes an appearance), and the two questions every woman needs to start asking herself right now.

What You Will Learn in This Episode

Why so many women over 40 are seeking therapy, and what is driving the shift
Ask the two questions Niro uses to help clients reconnect with what they truly want.
What is happening in your brain when you do not invest in yourself
Notice the sting of childhood and middle school moments shaping the harsh inner critic you hear today.
The difference between healthy caution and self-sabotage disguised as wisdom
Why sacrificing yourself and erasing yourself are not the same thing
Tune in to what you genuinely desire and what fills you with joy, and imagine the vibrant life awaiting you when you finally leave autopilot behind.

Timestamps:

(02:37) - How Niro's work has shifted, why she's back seeing clients full time, and what it taught her about saying no

(05:42) - What Niro is seeing in women right now, the rise of women over 40 in therapy, and the concept of "excavating yourself"

(07:42) - The two questions women don't ask themselves enough: What do you want? What brings you joy?

(10:09) - Alli on writing her motherhood book and the moment women realized they'd been withering on the vine

(11:09) - Why women won't invest in themselves, the fear of failure, and the guilt spiral that follows

(13:11) - What's actually happening in the brain when a woman won't bet on herself

(14:35) - Where self-limiting beliefs come from, childhood, critical parents, and yes, middle school

(16:08) - Alli on what she sees as a business coach and why she sends clients to therapy

(18:31) - How to tell the difference between healthy caution and self-sabotage dressed up as wisdom

(20:17) - Why uncertainty creates more anxiety than the bad thing itself (the electric shock study)

(21:23) - The line between sacrificing yourself for your family and erasing yourself for them

(23:38) - The first step: what are you doing just for yourself this week that nobody else benefits from?

Links to great things we discussed:

Alli on YouTube

I hope you loved this episode! 🎉 Don't forget to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts and Spotify so you’re always in the loop. And hey, while you're at it, why not pop over to our YouTube channel and check us out? If you're feeling the love, leave a review and sprinkle some stars because your support truly means the world to me! Take care, and keep shining bright!

xo,

Alli